How to Start Creating Change

Change is challenging. It’s like breaking up with a part of you. It can be messy and full of uncertainty. We can often stay in bad relationships because we become comfortable and familiar. We are creatures of habit. But we stay in it because we’re afraid of what lies on the other side. We often fear the unknown.

The same thing can be said about ourselves when we’re ready to make changes. We have to realize that what we perceive as our comfort zone has actually become quite uncomfortable. And that nothing exciting happens when we’re sitting on the couch.

If it doesn’t scare you it’s not heavy enough. Creating change is heavy stuff. We’re getting rid of old habits we’ve done for years and years and having to create new ones. We create habits as children as a form of survival. If our parents suffered from a mental illness or were difficult, we would probably build the habit of a people pleaser in order to feel wanted and to avoid abandonment

The key to change is acceptance. We have to first accept the part of us that isn’t working for us before we can start to work through it and create lasting change. The more we bully ourselves or try to push hard feelings, thoughts and emotions away, the more at odds we become with ourselves.

I tell my clients that you have to be on your own team. We can feel this constant push and pull of right or wrong or up or down. One part of us is telling us to go for it and the other is telling us to not even try.

Both aspects want the same thing. They want us to be happy. The ego tries to keep us safe and therefore free of danger and hurt while our spirit wants us to go and discover new things and lean in.

We create our own road blocks when we can catastrophize and live so much in our own heads that we make things bigger, harder and scarier than they really are. We attach our stories to reality and believe them to be true.

Connect to your body; feel in to your emotions. Welcome sensations in and say hello. Our body is a wonderful tool and is full of wisdom. Open yourself up to receive whatever your body is telling you.

If you feel tightness in your chest, acknowledge the tightness, witness it, say hello to it. Imagine this feeling is like a lake. You can dive straight in to it and possibly drown or you can sit next to the lake and see it for what it is.

Approach the sensation with compassion, kindness and curiosity. The more we can accept challenging feelings, the better we become at working through them.

Honour yourself, honour your body.